11 November 2001

An Open Letter to the Children who lost a parent in the Terrorist Attacks on America
 
In the aftermath of the attack on America, scores of relief agencies mobilized to aid the victims of this unspeakable act of war. Among the most haunting questions was: "What will happen to the children who lost their parents in the attacks?" 
 
For the past 11 years, Sons and Daughters In Touch (SDIT) has been addressing that very question for the now-grown children of American servicemen lost during the Vietnam War.  The question then was, “What is it like to have lost your father in the Vietnam War?” And now, "What is it like to have lost your parent in the attack on America?"  While comparison has yet to be made, the similarities are surely stark.   

Unfortunately, the issue of "children victims" has been the focus of limited national research.  Instead, much of what is known about the healing process for the children of Vietnam losses has come to light through the efforts of Sons & Daughters In Touch (SDIT).  Formed in 1990 by some of these "children," SDIT is a national support organization for more than 3,000 of the untold number of ‘sons and daughters’ left fatherless by the Vietnam War.  

Through regional meetings, a quarterly newsletter and regular national Father’s Day gatherings at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington, DC, SDIT’s members have benefited from the knowledge that we are not alone.  Together, we have peered into the past, shared our experiences, and established an ongoing legacy of learning, honor and remembrance.  And in the midst of that has come hope and healing.        

With a foundation based in the hard-earned life experiences of its members, SDIT offers the following insights which we hope can be a comfort and guide:   

A final "good-bye…"
Sadly, in those cases where your parents’ remains were not recovered, a lifelong sense of disbelief may exist.  Though it was impossible to achieve under these circumstances, the value of a tangible and visual "good-bye" cannot be underestimated.  SDIT has learned from similar cases (primarily those in which a loved one was listed as Prisoner of War or Missing in Action and is still unaccounted for), that the reality of the loss will be tempered by the understandable question, "...are you sure?”   
 
Without some form of closure, you may find yourself imagining that Mom or Dad might someday walk into the room, or be there to pick you up after school.  That is normal and expected.  Fortunately, time and reason are sound cures.  Over the years, you will come to accept the loss of your parents as a tragically-heroic badge of honor. 

"Get over it" 
Don’t ever allow anyone to demand this of you. The process of grieving and healing is a unique and often lengthy process.  The simple reality is that one never ‘gets over’ such a loss.  For a lifetime, this tragedy will be a seminal moment in your life.    

Every stage and milestone in life will now be different.  As a teenager, an adult, a parent and a grandparent; at 30, 40, 50 and older ages, your life will be different than it would have been had you not experienced this loss.  One never truly "gets over it".    
 
Let acceptance be your destination...and know that your arrival at this goal might take a long time. 
 
A time and place 
As you come to accept your loss, it will be helpful to have a special time and place for remembering your parent. You may choose to do that alone, within your immediate family, with friends, or with the greater family of those who experienced a similar loss.  

For many SDIT members, the Vietnam Veterans Memorial “Wall” in Washington, DC, became a place of solace and healing.  For you, perhaps a national memorial that has yet to be established, or one in your community, will serve that purpose.   You might also seek a day that permits public celebration of your parents’ life. For us, Father's Day affords that opportunity (and these national tributes have served as the building blocks to help extend the healing to new sons and daughters).  
 
Should you choose to wait until adulthood before reaching out to others who endured a similar experience, do not be afraid.  Most members of SDIT were in their 20’s and 30’s before taking the same steps.  Some of you will openly embrace this common bond and actively nurture it. Others will reject it.   Know that participation and interaction is a choice, not an obligation.  And that you may benefit from more or less interaction at different times in your life.     
 
The “benchmark” 
Perhaps the most significant milestone for the members of SDIT was the time in life when they outlived their fathers. War's cruelty dictated that some of our members outlived their fathers at 19 or 20. For others it was 25, 30 or 35, but it brought with it questions about how to live our lives without the benchmark that Dad represented.
 
This same milestone will exist for you.  Reaching this milestone will signal a venture into uncharted waters filled with questions. "Is this the way adulthood really is?"  “Can I ever accomplish as much as they did?”  “How would mom or dad advise me in this challenging situation?” 

The answers to these questions can be found through discovering just who your mom or dad was.  Ask questions of family and friends, keep pictures and mementos, and attend your parents’ class reunions.  The knowledge and understanding - and possibly friends - you’ll gain will help you to hear your parents’ voice and inherit their intuition.

Finally, while it's impossible to document the myriad lessons we’ve learned here, we extend an offer to help however possible.  As you organize, and as you heal, let us know how we can help.  In the meantime, our hearts and prayers are with you.     

In solidarity,

Tony Cordero, Chairman 
Sons and Daughters In Touch 
Son of W.E. Cordero, KIA 22 June 1965

Sons and Daughters In Touch is a 501(c) 3 non-profit organization committed to locating and uniting the children of American servicemen lost in the Vietnam War.  Members receive a quarterly newsletter and information about educational benefits.  In 2003, SDIT will take more than 200 of its members on an historical trip to Vietnam.  For more information, contact www.sdit.org. 

As you read, you will experience all types of emotions, but Its amazing......to feel the love amongst our SDIT members and supporters.

The first email on this page was sent about 3 hours after the first attack.

God be with us all!

Jeanette, SDIT Webmiss

(Email from Laurette K., from NY- Happy to to say mom spent the night in a hospital since she was stranded.  She was not injured and was taken to her home later on today, September 12th)
 

I love you, Jen D.  (Daughter- GA)

Her husband John is a pilot for American Airlines

Steve B. (Son-TX)

I am still stunned.  This reality of this tragedy hasn't completely sunken in yet.  Each time I see footage of the planes crashing into the WTC, I feel like I'm watching a Bruce Willis movie.  The rubble left in the aftermath looks like special effects from a Godzilla movie.  This is just surreal.

I am heartbroken that this has happened to our great country.  I believe that my father and 58,000 other men and women died to protect us from just such aggressive action against our homeland.  Our armed forces have risen to the challenge again and again to protect us, they will do so now. 

I believe that we have fallen into a lull of taking our freedom for granted.  This has shown us that our freedom, our country, our very lives are, indeed, still fragile and in need of strong protection.  I certainly didn't anticipate having to explain to my 9-year-old son that our country had been violated this way.

Please support our president, our government, our armed forces in any way that you can --- regardless of your political affiliation or belief, this is a time for America to stand UNITED.  We have a great nation and we WILL survive this.  My father's death and the deaths of our military men and women in the past will not have been in vain!!  We will not fall. 

Peace,
Melanie B. (Daughter- WV)

God Bless,
Debby C. (Daughter- TX)

Referring to LTC Charles A. Krohn (Retired)

I also started my new job yesterday.....one of our kids' dad worked in the WTC and hadn't been heard from when I left there yesterday...

Love and Prayers,
Cindy R. (Daughter- OH)

Here's the good news: Dennis is ok.  Bill C., a long time supporter of SDIT, who works at the Pentagon is ok.  Joe G., who just started a new job with Colin Powell, is ok.  Colleen Shine's brother and his wife are ok...however, they lost many friends. 

I am still concerned about all the SDIT members from NY, and also Laura Palmer and Patty Fall.  Updates will be forwarded when available.
Beyond this, all we can do is pray, cry and pray some more.

Peace,

Tony C. (Son- CA) SDIT Chairman of the Board

More "good news"...An update from Patty Fall...her father was Bernard Fall, noted journalist and author of "Street Without Joy"...he was killed in Vietnam.

TC

From Patty Fall:
Yes. We are fine. I worked on the 74th fl. of 2 World Trade Center until a few months ago. Luckily my colleagues made it out, but several of our friends did not. This is so sad.... so unbelievable. 

We hope and pray that you and your loved ones' are safe and that the American people may find solace and strength in each other. 

Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund- Washington, D.C.
 

Thank you for calling and checking in with us yesterday. 

Thankfully we are all o.k. Though, we did have a scare when we heard the flights that hit the Trade Centers were from Boston. Jan was flying into DC from Boston at the same exact time. He arrived at National in time to hear the explosion and witness the smoke from the third plane hitting the Pentagon. He walked from National to our offices on 15th 
Street. But again we are fine. Just shaken as is the rest of the country. 

I hope you and yours are safe. 

We will talk soon. 
Thanks again, 

Holly (Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund)

God Bless America!

Patty L.(Daughter-CA)

Denise R. (Daughter- Washington, D.C.)

Ari H. (Son- CO)

I am in a suburb of D.C. (at my in-laws home) because today was to have been (and actually still is) the kick off day for "Put a Face with a Name" Campaign with Kinko's and VVMF.  The meeting was to have taken place on capital hill.  I do not know when I will be able to return home but I am going to look into taking a train.  I believe that Jeanne Penfold and Denise (can't think of her last name) may be out here also. 

Haley is home safe with her dad.  I'll let you know when I have returned home. 

Much Love,

Marda (Daughter-CA)

**Sister in NY
"Dana is home safe with her family.  Thanks for asking :)"

We are awaiting news on friends, neighbors and colleagues and hope the
rest of SDIT members are ok.

Joe & Sheryl Allessie (Son- NJ)

Cindy R. asked about Joe in an earlier e-mail

??Celebrate and give thanks
I, for one, will not shut down because it is some else's wish. These vile beings may have inflicted great pain and suffering on our country, on my brothers and sisters, who work for peace and prosperity alongside me....but that does not mean they can take our great country away from us with more threats of violence meant to strike fear in our hearts. I support the government in saying that terrorism will not be tolerated.  I, for one, will continue to work for my family and for my home as I always do, so they also may work for peace and prosperity in this great land. I will not stay home and I will not be afraid, for if that happens, all is lost.  It is easy to be focused when times are good, but when things are bad it is a true test of strength and determination to keep working for what you believe is right.  Be brave, be compassionate, be strong- but do
not be afraid.  America will not fail.??

Passing this on - 

This, from a Canadian newspaper, is worth sharing. 
America:  The Good Neighbor. 

Widespread but only partial news coverage was given recently to a remarkable editorial broadcast from Toronto by Gordon  Sinclair, a Canadian television 
commentator. What follows is the full text  of his trenchant remarks as printed in the Congressional Record: 

"This Canadian thinks it is time to speak up for the Americans  as the most generous and possibly the least appreciated people on all the  earth. 

Germany, Japan and, to a lesser extent, Britain and Italy  were lifted out of the debris of war by the Americans who poured in billions  of dollars and 
forgave other billions in debts. None of these countries  is today paying even the interest on its remaining debts to the United  States. 

When France was in danger of collapsing in 1956, it was the  America! ns who propped it up, and their reward was to be insulted and  swindled on the streets of Paris. I was there. I saw it. 

When  earthquakes hit distant cities, it is the United States that hurries in to  help. This spring, '59 American communities were flattened by  tornadoes.  Nobody helped. 

The Marshall Plan and the Truman Policy  pumped billions of dollars into discouraged countries. Now newspapers in  those countries are writing about the decadent, warmongering Americans. 

I'd like to see just one of those countries that is gloating over  the erosion of the United States dollar build its own airplane. Does any  other country in the world have a plane to equal the Boeing Jumbo Jet, the Lockheed Tri-Star, or the Douglas DC10? If so, why don't they fly them?  Why do all the International lines except Russia fly American Planes? 

Why does no other land on earth even consider putting a man or woman  o! n the moon? You talk about Japanese technocracy, and you get radios. You  talk about German technocracy, and you get automobiles. You talk about American technocracy, and you find men on the moon - not once, but  several times and safely home again. 

You talk about scandals, and the  Americans put theirs right in the store window for everybody to look at. Even their draft-dodgers are not pursued and hounded. 
They are here on  our streets, and most of them, unless they are breaking Canadian laws, are  getting American dollars from ma and pa at home to spend here. 

When  the railways of France, Germany and India were breaking down through age, it  was the Americans who rebuilt them. When the Pennsylvania Railroad and the New York Central went broke, nobody loaned them an old caboose. 
Both  are still broke. 

I can name you 5000 times when the Americans raced to the help of other people in trouble. Can you na! me me even one time  when someone else raced to the Americans 
in trouble? I don't think there was  outside help even during the San Francisco earthquake. 

Our neighbors  have faced it alone, and I'm one Canadian who is damned tired of hearing  them get kicked around. They will come out of this thing with 
their flag  high. And when they do, they are entitled to thumb their nose at the lands  that are gloating over their present troubles. I hope Canada is not one of those." 

Stand proud, America! 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 
This is one of the best  editorials that I have ever read regarding the United States. It is nice  that one man realizes it. I only wish that the rest of the 
world would  realize it. We are always blamed for everything, and never even get a thank  you for the things we do. 

I would hope that each of you would send  this to as many people as you can and emphasize tha! t they should send  it to as many of their friends until this letter is sent to every person on  the web. I am just a single 

American that has read this, 
I SURE HOPE  THAT A LOT MORE READ IT SOON. 
 

My name is Old Glory. 

I fly atop the world s tallest buildings. 
I stand watch in America s halls of justice. 
I fly majestically over institutions of learning. 
I stand guard with power in the world. 

Look up and see me. 

I stand for peace, honor, truth and justice. 
I stand for freedom. 

I am confident. 
I am arrogant. 
I am proud. 

When I am flown with my fellow banners, My head is a little higher,My colors 
are a little truer. 

I bow to no one!!!! 

I am recognized all over the world. 
I am worshipped - I am saluted. 
I am loved - I am revered. 
I am respected - and I am feared. 

I have fought in every battle of every war for more then 200 years. 

I was flown at Valley Forge, Gettysburg, Shiloh and Appomattox. 

I was there at San Juan Hill, the trenches of France, in the Argonne Forest, 
Anzio, and Rome. 
And the beaches of Normandy, Guam, Okinawa, Korea, Saigon and Vietnam know 
me, I was there. 

I led my troops, I was dirty, battle worn and tired, but my soldiers cheered 
me. 
And I was proud.

I have been burned, torn and trampled on the streets of countries I have 
helped set free. 

It does not hurt, for I am invincible. 

I have been soiled upon, burned, torn and trampled on the streets of my 
country. 

And when it s by those whom I ve served in battle - it hurts. 

But I shall overcome - for I am strong. 

I have slipped the bonds of Earth and stood watch over the uncharted 
frontiers of space.  From my vantage point on the moon I have borne silent 
witness to all of America s finest hours. 

But my finest hours are yet to come. 

When I am torn into strips and used as bandages for my wounded comrades on 
the battlefield,when I am flown at half-mast to honor my soldiers, or when I 
lie in the trembling arms of a grieving parent at the grave of their fallen 
son or daughter, I am proud. 

MY NAME IS OLD GLORY LONG MAY I WAVE. 
DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN LONG MAY I WAVE 
 

I reiterate what others have posted - life as we know it will never be the same -  My heart is with all Americans, and salute the many heros.  The American spirit is being reflected in so many ways, but one of the many things that stands out is those who decided to attack the hijackers and prevented the jet from reaching its target.  I abhor the
inhumanity of war, but as we know.... FREEDOM isn't free!

As we meet the families & friends of these victims, we may be able to lend some comfort and understanding because ofour experiences.

God Bless the USA!
 

Corky C. (Daughter- NJ)

To show those terrorists that we Americans stick together, FRIDAY  SEPTEMBER
14 is "Flags Across America."  All Americans are asked to display the American flag either in their homes or cars. Let's keep the meaning  of UNITED in "United States". Pass this onto as many people as you know.

THANK YOU.
 

Friday Night at 7:00 p.m. step out your door, stop your car, or step out of your establishment and light a candle.   We will show the world that Americans are strong and united together against terrorism.  Please pass this to everyone on your e-mail list.  We need to reach everyone across the  United States quickly.

The message:  WE STAND UNITED - WE WILL NOT TOLERATE TERRORISM